Fantasy or Realty?

It is a normal day here in Northern California. I’ve been fooling around with my iPad. Just for the Hell of it, I Googled,  Ratza’s palapa in Yelapa.
Then I saw her picture!

Last time I was in Yelapa was to help Gregg, (Ratza’s son & my then boyfriend) help Pamela put a new roof on her palapa. That was in 1977 or ‘78.
I have pictures from that trip.  I imagine that Ratza has passed but, considering what a remarkable woman she had been, I hope I’m wrong.

Prior to my visiting her in Yelapa,  Ratza had lived with me and Gregg in our small but beautiful loft on Panoramic Way in Berkeley.
That was an extraordinary and highly valued time in my life. I was 23-24 years old. I grew to love Ratza during her long stay with us. Every night she built a fire and drank rich dark coffee, read books, smoked cigarettes, regaled us with her life’s adventures, and taught Gregg and me to be considerate and kind to one another.
I remember nights we all three sat together on our little  Panoramic  balcony talking, laughing, smoking, gazing down at the city lights below and up at the stars in the night sky.

I was a 23 to Gregg’s 29 years. We had found each other through our shared work for the Center for Independent Living in Berkeley. Within our first year together, my sister, Debbie met Gregg’s best friend, Andy. Debbie and Andy were later married, moved to Alaska, built a home and had two girls. After a year or so of togetherness, Ratza moved back to her expat community and palapa in Yelapa. Next, Pamela wrote asking  us to come down to help put a roof on her new palapa.  Gregg went down first. I followed a few weeks later as I had commitments which held me back for a month. We stayed down in Yelapa for nearly a summer living in Ratza’s home, meeting her Yelapa friends. Eventually I had to return to my job in Berkeley while Gregg stayed behind in Yelapa. Shortly after that, everything fell apart.

I wrote to Gregg and sent him his tax return immediately after I arrived back in Berkeley...I waited in silence. First I was worried sick. I didn’t hear a word from Gregg for a couple of months. Eventually, I became angry as time passed.  Finally, I sent him a telegram asking his plans. It read, “Do what you want or need but make a decision and let me know immediately.” As it turned out, my letter and Gregg’s money had been lost inside the Yelapa post office. That’s the story I as told.

While I had still been in Yelapa, I had some body work done by two American women who lived and practiced there. I opened up to them and spoke of my fears and doubts regarding my relationship with Gregg. In the meantime, Gregg waited to hear from me and for his income tax check to arrive in Yelapa so he could buy airfare home to Berkeley. Gregg was in distress and the two women who had performed my Yelapa massage treatment felt it necessary to warn Gregg of my “doubts” informing him that I “was thinking of leaving him.” They based this devastating assumption on my doubts and fears I had shared with them during my bodywork session. So, Ratza and co. in Yelapa thought I had left Gregg. While back in Berkeley, my friends and I worried that, based on his total silence after I left Yelapa, Gregg had decided not to return to me in Berkeley.

Finally, one morning I got a letter! But, it wasn’t from Gregg. Rather, Pamela had written to me. In her letter, Pamela said how nice it had been to meet me and so on and so on...then she lowered the boom...Gregg had an affair after I left him behind in Yelapa...

Another month had passed by when Gregg finally returned to our home in Berkeley. I met him at the door. I was actually getting ready to go out on a date with a new man I had just met. Gregg looked so gorgeous from all the sun and healthy living in Yelapa plus he immediately spoke about RE-dedicating himself to our relationship...but, I was done at that point. I informed him that I was leaving and did so in fairly short order.

Not long after I moved out, Gregg got more into drugs. I saw him a few more times until we finally went our separate ways. I imagine Gregg may no longer be living, but I’d be happy to learn he survived his ordeal.  I never got the chance to see or speak with Ratza or Pamela again.

I’ve always wondered...was it all just a fantasy or my imagination? Was life really that wonderful and magical at one point in the mid to late 1970’s?
If you, the reader, remember any or all of this story I’ve told, I would LOVE to hear from you. In spite of the sad ending, ours was a love story ... mine and Gregg’s and Ratza’s. Not to mention beautiful Yelapa………Carolyn Singleton